Celebrity Big Brother bete noire, Jade Goody has married a pariah dog in India as penance for her shameful behavior towards winner Bollywood phony Shilpa Shetty.
"I know I called her a bitch, which was an insult to all dogs. Since then I've had nothing but bad luck. I want to apologize to all dogs for insulting them".
Located at an ashram in India where she has been doing penance, a sari-clad Goody said she was told by an astrologer that the only way she could change her karma was to marry a dog. "Me life's been a mess since that 'orrible moment. I now know that i was being mean to Shewpa but it was all Danielle's fault"
Bridesmaids (in matching saris) were Jo Meara - fresh from a new suicide attempt and Danielle Lloyd - ditched by her latest beau.
To further improve her own karma Danielle is now engaged to marry the groom's brother - another pie dog with a penchant for uber crotch-sniffing.
"I 'ope this works" sobbed Goody, "life's been a bitch y'know".