Melbourne, Australia - (Ass Mess): A five year old boy with an Austrian family surname than means 'bright' has been banned from attending St Peter the Apostle School Roman Catholic in Melbourne because priests fear his presence will incite spontaneous devil worship among pupils.
Max Hell, whose family originates from the fabled Austrian town of Fucking, was devastated to be rejected on the spurious grounds of being capable of stirring up satanism and threatened to sue via his parents' lawyers.
But the Fucking Hell family said today everything would have been ok if their ancestors had come from Vienna or Liepzig "but the Austrian town of Fucking has so many negative connotations that smear our family surname with ribald innuendo".
Hell pere added that priests became paranoid at the idea of enrolment of a child whose name might conjure up superstitious hysteria among the local congregations whose children St Peter's educates.
"It's Hell," Max's dad told the press.
"That's our name, that's our heritage and the picturesque Austiran Alpine town of Fucking is where we come from. Got it?"
"In the German tongue "hell" means bright.
"And yes, I have read the bible and know that the name Lucifer means "bright one" but that's in ancient Aramaic."