CCN (Crazy Cal News) - Antartica - Early this morning, a TheSpoof.com writer, Jalepenoman, was hospitalized after a brutal Holy War. Fearing that his Christian brother wasn't getting proper hospital treatment in the Land of Bush and Money, Cal-el, friend of CalJennings, took Jalepenoman out of the hospital and flew him to the Fortress of Solitude.
Cal-el is treating Jalepenoman's injuries in a special Kryptonian healing chamber and expects Jalepenoman to have a full recovery. Cal-el commented, "If Jalepenoman recovers we'll have to be extra careful of Fergus McCarthy a.k.a. Lex Luthor. We've heard he's kidnapped the Kryptonite Kid, so he could be a danger to both Jalepenoman and I."
When asked how long it would take to heal Jalepenoman, Cal-el replied, "It's hard to say. These things take time, especially when there's emotional trauma involved. He keeps pulling at the 'S' on my shirt for some reason. If Lex gives him a break for awhile, he'll recover sooner, but I wouldn't bet on that happening." When asked if he would attend the Bush/Blair wedding, Cal-el said, "I wouldn't attend if you PAID me."
Cal-el is the illegitimate half-brother of Kal-el.