Castro's Christmas Day Death Kept Secret

Funny story written by drugtestallpoliticians

Monday, 12 March 2007

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Castro: 1976 - 2006

Habana, Cuba - According to Turner North Broadcasting maximum leader for life Fidelito Castro died on Christmas day and Raul Castro has decided to keep the news of his brother's death a military secret. Cuban leaders have declared that mention of Castro's death is punishable by death before a firing squad.

One source at TNB went as far as to reveal that Castro had died from a severe case of chronic constipation and that Castro was a sad and broken man whose health had been broken by the guilt that the misery of his failed revolution had brought to millions on his island nation. Castro had stated his feelings were hurt by the knowledge that over a million people had fled the torture and starvation that his tin horn dictatorship had forced upon the once happy people of the former pearl of the Caribbean. Another issue that made Castro miserable was the government sanctioned child prostitution designed to bring in dollars for the failed revolution.

A recent documentary seems to indicate that there is widespread misery and starvation everywhere on the island. Most foreign tourists never see this because they are not allowed into the countryside and are kept in relatively plush resorts designed to bring in money for the government.

There is a rumor circulating among members of the military that the Cuban people will revolt when they learn of Castro's death.

Another problem Cuban leaders face is how to recover the billion dollars that Fidelito hid in offshore bank accounts. It is said that he used the nation's treasure to make himself a very wealthy man.

Raul Castro has stated privately that Castro's body will be put into a raft and set afloat into the straights of Florida as soon as he can bring himself to publicly admit that Castro is indeed gone.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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