Guatemala City - (Rotters): Iximche shamans have vowed to take no chances with any lingering evil influences that George W Bush may leave behind when he visits the ancient Mayan archaeological site next week to spread his customary sicko toxins dressed up as a typical Administration goodwill visit to the godless pagans of Latin America.
Juan Tiney, a Mayan shaman elder who says he can sniff out a Bush family wacko at a thousand paces, has said he is powerless to stop the US President from coming to vampirise the area on Monday.
But he has taken all possible precautions to prevent Bush and his entourage from sucking the life energy from the magnificent sacred monument dedicated to Coatlicue, the ancient goddess of regeneration.
Insider DC sources have hinted that Bush once again fell off the wagon last year and was advised by Jack Abramoff's tarot readers to either make an Aleister Crowleyian blood sacrifice to a minor Aztec deity to regain his sobriety and composure, or to violate sacred Mayan ground at Iximche and wrench back credibility by force.
Tiney is in no doubt that Bush has chosen the latter route: "Coatlicue is the Mayan Mother of the Gods and has been described as being an insatiable deity feasting on the corpses of men. She is also the Great Instigator of War and represents the type of eternal devouring mother in whom is combined both the womb, the grave and the ancient equivalent of the cluster bomb.
"Bush has been un-dead or at least half-dead inside for longer than anybody of his Skull 'N' Bones coterie can remember. By coming here to Iximxhe he is hoping to suck the life force of the goddess like a vampire replenishes its bloodlust.
"All our virgins, male and female, have been despatched over the mountain into safe hiding until the visit is over."
Tiney has gathered his helpers for a ritual purification ceremony after Bush's departure and will enact traditional un-hexing Spring rites of chanting, burning Bush effigies as well as burning incense, herbs and candles to reclaim the ancient sanctity of the precious land.
The Bush visit to Latin America will take in numerous other sacred sites that the President has longed to violate with his presence since sliming his way into the White House in 2000.
