German Woodchopper chops wood too far! OUCH!

Funny story written by Jaggedone

Wednesday, 30 December 2020

image for German Woodchopper chops wood too far! OUCH!
Herr Zimmerman was a much better looking 'chopper' than this specialist!

(NOT EDITED) Preparation for freezing cold temperatures in German hillsides forces many German males to go outside and perform macho heroics like Cassius Clay once used to, hacking logs! However, there is one slight difference, Cassius chopped his logs with an axe, German males mainly use chainsaws!

One unfortunate chopper, Herr Axel Zimmerman, residing in the Eifel area of Germany, was ordered by his 'Frau' to go out in the snow and chop some logs because she wanted to have warm toes around the fire.

Axel ventured outside in freezing; slippery temperatures armed with his feisty chainsaw. A heavy north-easterly blast caught him on the hop as he laid into a huge log. His chainsaw got stuck in the half-sawn log! He then attempted to remove it, but his hands were so cold they slipped off the handle and the chainsaw flipped into the air!

The 'thing' seemed as though it had taken on its own life! Axel attempted to escape a (sorry) Chainsaw Massacre! He ducked as the saw flew above his head giving him a sharp-razor-haircut that split the remaining three hairs on his balding head! Luckily, the chainsaw didn't return for the rest of his head and danced off into the distance with Axel chasing the thing!

The chainsaw then hit a thin tree and started sawing away at the trunk, it fell over, Axel screamed, "TIMBER" and the tree hit an unfortunate passing rabbit! His wife came out to see what all the fuss was about and was astonished to discover her hubby had nailed a huge rabbit perfect for their New Year’s Eve dinner!

Axel, bleeding profusely from his very sharp hairdo, fainted! His 'Frau' whispered in his ear, "Du Dummkopf, I told you to cut logs, not hunt rabbits, and how do you expect me to cook the thing without a fire!"

Herr Axel Zimmerman is now spending New Year’s Eve with his sore head bandaged in a local hospice. His 'Frau' went to Axel's mother-in-law, who had a wonderful log fire burning, and the rabbit was delicious!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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