Wedding Parade Was Fraught With Dangers

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Sunday, 27 December 2020

image for Wedding Parade Was Fraught With Dangers
All that dust!

Weddings can always be relied upon to put everyone in a good mood, but the mood of one wedding this morning was almost ruined beyond the limits of the imagination, when a whole series of near-disasters conspired to blacken the ceremony.

Englishman Moys Kenwood, 57, was an involuntary guest at the wedding, his wife having 'dragged' him along, instead of leaving him to get on with reading his book, listening to his music, or twiddling his thumbs, any of which he would have preferred.

The decision having been made, however, he put on his clothes, and off they went to the bride's house, where the ceremony was to be held.

The first thing that happened was a parade. All the guests, holding bowls of fruit, walked 50 meters up the road from the house, and then walked slowly back to it, one woman banging a drum, which was reminiscent of a child hitting a frying pan with a rock.

As they crossed the road, completely blocking traffic, a truck, on its way from the quarry, and loaded with earth, almost swept away the procession when it failed to slow down - its driver may have been asleep - and the guests were covered in dust.

The group turned into the bride's home for the ceremony, via a mud track rutted by tractor tires during torrential rain. Only three ankles were sprained.

Before they could enter the tented marquee, a ceremonial dance had to be performed at the head of the queue. The other guests waited in the blazing sun. One woman passed out through sunstroke.

When the wedding itself got under way, Kenwood realised that he had already met the bride once before, and that once had been enough.

In the traditional way, the fruit was handed to the happy couple, before some bloke spluttered a few incomprehensible words, and the business was over.

Afterwards, it turned out that the fruit on plates was off, after several people who had eaten it suffered terrible bouts of diarrhoea.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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