George Zimmerman being considered as new sanction to keep Iran non-nuclear

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Saturday, 14 December 2013

image for George Zimmerman being considered as new sanction to keep Iran non-nuclear
This rare photo of George will be added to his official credentials

Sanctions on Iran due to its nuclear program have been given new life today with reports of a valuable new weapon in the struggle--George Zimmerman.

The US Congress is eager to push both old and new sanctions, despite the recent step toward peace and lowered tensions negotiated by Secretary of State Kerry.

Iran does not possess nuclear weapons and states it has no intention of doing so, seeking peaceful use of nuclear power only.

Israeli and US threats and sanctions are based on the principle of "in case they ever do decide to go ahead and build a bomb."

Rumor indicates the idea of Zimmerman as a new sanction first emerged from Prime Minister Netanyahu, an admirer of the "stand your ground" hero.

He has been overheard muttering, "That's exactly what we are doing here in Israel."

Israel itself does possess numerous nuclear weapons as well as the guarantee of US support in any conflict. Nevertheless, it considers itself seriously threatened.

Representatives of Senator Chuck Schumer's office have tentatively indicated negotiations with George Zimmerman are proceeding.

Fortunately, Mr. Zimmerman is available, having been cleared by Florida police from his latest dispute and arrest, his weaponry temporarily removed. These include pistols, shotgun, and ammunition.

He has now been restored to both his weapons and his girlfriend, who had initially called police and charged him, but then retracted to protect him.

Prior to that he had maintained his reputation in a similar dispute with his wife who was divorcing him, and by making sure Trayvon Martin would create no further trouble in passing through a neighborhood with a soft drink.

Mr. Zimmerman as a new sanction against Iran has agreed (on condition the money is adequate), and intelligence services have indicated there will be no problem inserting him into Iranian society as a kind of "watch dog."

With any problems he will immediately be under custody of the US State Department and diplomatic immunity, and could be bargained out if arrested.

Disguised as an Iranian cleric he will roam about with all his weapons on his person, eye cocked toward any indications Iran is proceeding toward uranium enrichment. And anything else suspicious.

A spokesperson for Mr. Zimmerman has indicated he is eager to represent the qualities of vigilance and righteousness he is famous for--but in a cause for peace in restraining Iranian aggression.

He also hopes to meet Mr. Netanyahu someday, possibly to become the Prime Minister's personal bodyguard.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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