Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 29 July 2011

image for Plot To Clone Dr. Billingsgate Succeeds
Dr. Billingsgate, I Presume

Mystic, pundit, conservative ideologist, Dr. Billingsgate is all of that and more. Few people are the center of more fascination and yearning than the man once rumored to be a reincarnated homopteran. After years of living in relative anonymity, once being mistaken for Peter Sellers, the good doctor has recently been sighted at various water holes usually frequented by vaguely interesting, lower-strata European royalty.

It is ironic that it was Tibetian superstar, the Dalai Lama, who finally was able to clone Dr. Billingsgate. After attempting for years to duplicate the only man known to have acquired 12 Doctorates without spending a day in class, the Dalai somehow acquired a sample of Billingsgate's DNA from a Hong Kong masseuse of dubious credentials.

It is said that the Doctor's clone now roams the corridors of the Potala Palace in Lhasa, Tibet, spreading good will and DNA to those chosen by the Dalai Lama to reproduce intellectuality in a country best known for its majestic mountains, mystical meditation and monkish maharishis mumblng umbrageous mumbo-jumbo as they meander selflessly in their saffron robes.

Unlike the earlier, cheap knock-off Korean clone of Dr. Billingsgate, an off-shoot of an experiment that succeeding in cloning a common mutt for culinary purposes, the Tibetian is the real McCoy. Those who follow cloning probably recall that the Korean clone, because of the dog DNA, lifted his leg when taking a pee. Pictures reveal the Tibetian clone relieving himself with both feet off the ground, a peeing method that only Dr. Billingsgate was able to master through meditation and prayer.

It is thought that as the proliferation of Billingsgate clones reaches pandemic numbers that most everyone will try to master this manuever, male or female.

HINT: Being able to hover is a prerequisite. Until this is mastered, you will undoubtedly trickle on yourself.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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