Written by P.M. Wortham

Tuesday, 4 January 2011

image for Steele Defends Flaccid Record
The RNC, filling most of the room.

Attempting to maintain a firm grip on his post as the Republican National Committee Chairman, Michael Steele continues to "fluff" the press and his constituents, trying to convince them that he really is the strongest, firmest, and most engorged man for the job.

Despite a relatively "soft" performance record, as declared by many of his fellow Republicans, Steele continues to defend his performance record on travel, meals, entertainment and general "schmoozing". "I think you have to play to all aspects to the Republican party, moderate to fanatical, er, I mean the Tea Party", says Steele's personal aid, fluffer and former Ukrainian professional dancer, Ivanna Humpalott.

It isn't like Steele has many friends in the RNC these days. There are multiple respected names within the Republican Party ready to run against him, given the controversy that has haunted the Chairman these past three years. Some feel that anyone would be a better spokesman that Steele, in the midst of several hints of impropriety.

Steele released additional statements to the press yesterday, including an inference to himself having a critical role in determining the outcome of the last round of elections. "Hey, we won", declared Steele. Critics were quick to respond. "That's like saying you're finished when your partner is still lying there, waiting to be satisfied", said one RNC spokesman with a proclivity for sexual analogies. "We'll see in a few days if Steele remains firm in his position, or if he folds, tucks, and limps away".

"Ooh, I hope not", says Humpalott. "He would be a hard man to replace, but I can be ready for anyone".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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