An unidentified Naval Commander, speaking on the condition of anonymity, claims that it was necessary to make and leak raunchy sex videos to show the world that the majority of servicemen in the Navy are not homosexual, as the repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell would suggest.
"Navy men are not only heterosexuals," claims Commander "Dick" as he is known to his subordinates, "but we are damned proud of just how manly we are. These ain't no Old Spice commercials we are showing. This is the real McCoy. The T & A you expect from a bunch of manly men," said Dick as he sat in his captain's chair smoking one of the biggest Cuban cigars this side of the Mississippi.
Asked about the women in the shower scene and whether or not those were in fact lesbian sailors, Dick claims that they were porn actresses paid to simulate sex on camera to prove a point. "And that point is that Navy men love chick shower scenes. There are no lesbians in the Navy, none that have served under me anyway," said Dick puffing away.
Although the films were made years ago, it is believed that their existence was leaked to the general public now to refute any rumors that the majority of men in the Navy are gay. "I am a career Naval officer," said Dick, "and during my entire service, I've met maybe one or two fellas that I would just as soon not take a shower with," but that's it. I'm proud to tell you that today's Navy is full of hot-blooded American seamen."
