LOST ANGELES, SUNK FRANSISCO, SAN DIEGONE, PASSEDADENA - An earthquake measuring 11.4 (not a typo) on the Richter Scale has officially sunk the cities of Los Angeles, San Fransisco, San Diego and various other settlements west of the notorious San Andreas Fault.
The last time the fault ruptured was in 1989, when San Fransisco was still around.
Although the fault line moves only North-South, meaning that the cities could not have sunk, sudden convection currents in the Earth's mantle meant that the Pacific Plate could move away from the American Plate, thereby taking the cities with it. I know this, cause I got an A* in GCSE Phsyics.
Of course, we tried to contact several seimeologists, but they were at CalTech, which was... in... Pasadena. Oh great. This means that there's no more Big Bang Theory for me.
DAMN YOU MOTHER NATURE!!!
Anyway, uhhh... my mate, who is taking his Geography A-Level will explain.
"Well, what should normally happen," Pretend-Prof. Jack Greene explained, "is that the cities on the fault line would be decimated. Seriously. San Fransisco would be rubble. Anyway, in this instance, the landmass on the Pacific plate (the one consisting of the sunken cities), would still be floating, but due to the sheer weight of skyscrapers, humans, cars, and actors' egos in Hollywood, it sunk."
But what of the gap?
"I don't have a clue, pal!" he said. "The bell rang before sir could explain. And there's no point me asking him on Monday, cause he ain't in all week."
President Barack Obama said this... oh what? He was in L.A. visiting Arnie? Okay, Joe Biden, VP had this to say. He wasn't in L.A., right? Oh good.
"Urr..." he mumbled. "I'm PRESIDENT!!! But anyway... it's a tragedy. We will sorely miss all those posers in L.A. what ever shall we do?" he said sarcastically.
As of press time, millions the world over were going insane after missing their fix of celebrity gossip and films, and I punched some guy cause I felt like it.