Birthers Widen Net: Challenge Legality of Eight Presidencies

Funny story written by manbrad

Thursday, 4 November 2010

Undeterred by setbacks in its challenge to the legality of President Barack Obama's presidency, the Birther Movement has widened its scope by challenging the legality of eight other U.S. presidencies. The Birther movement, so-called because it insists President Obama was not born a U.S. citizen, has recently revealed that eight of the first nine presidents of the United States were not born on U.S. soil.

"Eight of the first nine presidents were born prior to the establishment of the United States in 1776 in North America's English colonies," raved prominent birther Orly Taitz. "Except for the Presidency of Martin Van Buren, the first half century of the republic was ruled by foreigners. And even Van Buren is suspect. 'Van Buren'? That name doesn't sound very American to me!"

Birthers believe that the early presidents were part of a vast plot by England to undermine the new nation. Birthers claim that the early presidents proved their suspect loyalties by such things as: continuing the use of English as a common language; basing political ideals on those of the English constitution; retaining the English common law; maintaining diplomatic and trade relations with England despite England's history of antagonism and belligerence toward the fledging nation.

So far, legal challenges by Birthers to the early presidents have been met with hostility from the legal system and stony indifference from a public. Experts agree that the birther movement will die out when Ms. Taitz begins taking her anti-psychotic medications again and her followers get jobs, girlfriends and out of their mothers' basements.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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