Dr. Laura Schlessinger, a non-psychologist whose doctorate is in basket-weaving, will attempt to fool the world into believing she knows a damned thing about the human condition no longer: She plans to give up her radio show when her contract is up at the end of the year, and blames "darkies" for her decision.
Dr. Laura --whom few realize is Ann Coulter's biological great-grandmother-- bullsh-tted her way onto CNN's "Larry King Live," to announce her slide back into obscurity, but not before 45 race-baiting minutes had passed.
"Homosexuality is a biological error, a chemical disorder." 1999
"Homosexuality (is) acceptable as long as it isn't public, I guess, or those that are did not attempt to adopt children" 1999
"A huge portion of the male homosexual populace is predatory on young boys." 2000
"I need to say it, so I will: Interracial marriage, when they actually do marry, is deviant, it is abnormal, it is aberrant, and it is an error in judgment." 2002
(After being confronted by Barbara Walters regarding nude photos of Dr. Laura circulating on the internet.) "Those photos were for my husband, Barbara. At least I didn't sleep with a married man like you did, Barbara." 2002
"Do you know why they have flat noses," Dr. Laura asked Larry King, who had absolutely no idea who she was, what she was talking about or, frankly, where he was. "That's where God put his feet when he was pulling off their tails. I have a First Amendment right to talk about this, and the Darkies are driving me away."
"Well, I unnerstan' her way a thinkin', I mean, 'bout dem coloreds and all," said April May Junebug, of Stinkheel, Alabama, the last person who listened to the Dr. Laura Show voluntarily. "They ruined everythin'."
Schlessinger said last week that she was sorry for calling an African-American caller the N-word eleven times during her 5-minute conversation. In fact, she said the caller was "hypersensitive" to racism.
"When a Jig calls me up, telling me that she is married to a white man, well, that upsets me," Dr. Laura told Larry King, who was making spit-bubbles while staring at himself in a hand mirror. "They got Sinbad, and those little boys from Kriss Kross, and all them other nig-nogs that they can marry. Don't take one of 'ours'."
Larry attempted to comment on Dr. Laura's appearance after the show: "I feel Dr. Lisa can say what she needs to say. I also think Elizabeth McClintock was the best botanist the world has ever seen. I think pills are funny looking. I made water in my pants."
Hot on the heels of Dr. Laura's surprising announcement that she was going to quit a job no one knew she even had, former Congressman Gary Condit said he will not run for President, Ki-Jana Carter will quit trying to join an NFL team, Alexandre Daigle will not play in the NHL, and Marc Cohn will remove himself from Grammy consideration.
She says she apologized because she knew what she had done was wrong.
