Written by satirewriter

Sunday, 8 August 2010

image for Local Woman Tired of Boyfriend's Pursuit of Home-Based Get Rich Quick Opportunities
Business Opportunity Junkie, Tom Jones

Minnesota resident Sally Smith, has recently declared her irritation with her boyfriend's unwavering quest for the perfect home-based business opportunity. Smith, a gainfully employed Paralegal, has reached her patience limit with boyfriend Tom Jones and has told him that he better get serious and get a full-time job.

"I can't put up with this non-sense, pie-in-the sky, starry-eyed business opportunity bullsh*t anymore!", declared Smith. "He's been promising me he'll make $1000/day for that past 3 months." Meanwhile, Smith has become annoyed with her consistent contribution to paying the majority of the bills. "I get up and go to work every morning and he get's to play on his computer all day and explore the next great business opportunity that will make us millions! I'm tired of it, I don't want millions, I just want him to pay his half of the groceries and the rent!," commented Smith.

When asked for his side of the story, Smith's boyfriend, long-time business opportunity junkie Tom Jones just shrugged it off as a typical response from his practical girlfriend and mumbled something about her being sorry when he's making $10,000 per week. "I've got some pretty good business opportunities going right now and I'm not about to quit just because my girlfriend is impatient with sacrifices you have to make to be successful!," Jones said. When pushed for what opportunities were most promising, Jones said he couldn't get too specific because he didn't want to tip anyone off.

Smith said that the some of her boyfriend's past "really promising" business opportunities included real estate investing where he promised her a minimum of $20,000/mo once he secured 10 rental properties, a brief stint as sports memorabilia broker where the money potential was "unlimited" and most recently, an Ebay store selling imported Chinese electronics.

"All of these have been a total flop and he needs to just get a *%$#ing real job!", stammered Smith as she chopped onions for their evening dinner. "I even cook dinner for this lazy a%$hole and he just spends his time on his laptop and on his phone, all the while being very close to fine tuning his latest opportunity!"

Jones defended himself by citing such common defenses such as "Rome wasn't built in a day" and the old story about how Thomas Edison failed 10,000 times before he got the light bulb to work. "The main issue here is that I have a lot of faith in myself and know that soon or later, I'm going to strike it big. The promotional pen market opportunity is looking pretty good lately. According to my calculations, all 500,000 businesses in Minneapolis need to have promotional pens for their businesses!", Jones excitedly commented. "If I can capture just 10% of this market at an average order of $500 and profit margin of 25%, we're looking at a windfall of $6,250,000! That's incredible!"

Jones mumbled on about how he also has a good opportunity selling foot-powered scooters to commuters that take the train every day. Based on his calculations, there are approximately 1,000,000 commuters in the Chicago area and if just 1% of them buy a $250 scooter from him, he will make a "killing" or close to $750,000 just from that one opportunity.

These numbers still don't impress Smith who may stop cooking for her boyfriend and kick him out of the apartment if he doesn't get a real job. Smith's boyfriend is pretty laid back about the whole ordeal and commented that he totally respects his girlfriend and the hard work that she does but that she just doesn't appreciate the demand for a new dental discount plan he will be promoting with yard signs. Jones estimates that 100,000 people need the dental discount plan in St. Louis, MO and at $36 profit per plan, it's a "slam dunk".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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