Lunchroom trade talks heat up for Benitez, Johnson

Written by Gil Brockton

Monday, 26 July 2010

image for Lunchroom trade talks heat up for Benitez, Johnson

SAN DEIGO, CA (TS) - It appears there could be an exchange in Lunch C at Wiener-Burger Elementary School. Juan Benitez and Ally Johnson are close to completing a trade that will dramatically alter the landscape of their lunches for the upcoming school season.

Benitez is trying to shore up his weakness for sweets that fell well short of expectations during the school year last year. Although often getting a balanced breakfast that featured Fruity Pebbles or Cocoa Puffs, his lunches left "a little to be desired" said the incoming 2nd grader.

Benitez targeted Johnson for a trade discussion due to Johnson's mother's erratic lunches. She was the subject of numerous jokes and general mockery for what turned out to be a bad year at the lunch table. "One day it would be (Peanut Butter & Jelly) sandwiches, the next it would be leftover pizza, which is fine, but every now and then she'd throw in an offbrand 'Lunchables,'" said Johnson. Ally Johnson's mother refused comment for this story.

The deal currently being worked out would involve Benitez's entree for Johnson's "daily treat." Her daily treat usually involves a Hostess cupcake, 3-5 cookies, or a bag of Gummy Worms. Also included in the deal would be flat cash weekly from Benitez to Johnson to the tune of $1.25 or the option of an item to be named later.

"Last year was a tough year for me, but I think I'm attacking this problem early enough in the season to make ammends and have a good year," said Benitez. Students report for school in just over three weeks.

Talks took place last night at Benitez's home treehouse and continued late into the night around 6:30 p.m. A convoy of only Benitez's closest associates were to leave via bicycle and attend a meeting at Johnson's front porch this afternoon. Timothy Jachlers was expected to attend at Benitez's side and had this to offer, "He really wants to get this done, but the talks really stalled last night." According to Jachlers, the hold-up seems to stem from the amount of cash involved and many are speculating that Johnson would be giving up too much in the deal.

If a deal is not complete before the end of the day, it seems Johnson might look elsewhere for her needs and possibly look outside of Lunch C. Johnson said, "I am committed to getting the best lunch on my plate this year and if I have to look outside of (Lunch C), I'll do it." Most people remember the legendary swap between Grace Wilkinson from Lunch A and Jack Newsome from Lunch C that took place last school year. That deal involved Wilkinson giving up one juicebox daily in exchange for Newsome's fruit of the day. The exchange took place daily three minutes before homeroom and went smoothly throughout the year.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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