Jesus Puts Kibosh On Church Sign Punnery

Funny story written by Revisorius

Tuesday, 22 June 2010

image for Jesus Puts Kibosh On Church Sign Punnery
Jesus: Done with Puns

Jesus sent word through a spokesbeing today that it was time to put an end to "those silly one-liners" on roadside church signs that have continued to proliferate throughout the United States like a plague over the past three decades.

Though nothing has been confirmed, the rumored tipping point for the Son of God was said to have been a sign at West Hills Disciples of Christ Church which read, "Upload Jesus to your heart drive."

"I mean really, who can blame him?" said a seraph who asked not to be identified. "He bit his lip with The Church of Heaven's 'God Answers Knee-Mail,' and the Fellowship Bible Church's 'The Best Vitamin for a Christian is B1,' but everyone has a threshold."

When the modern trend of witty signage was born in 1978 with the River Falls Baptist Church classic, "What is missing from ch--ch? U R," the field was ripe for self-expression. But too often, pastors went for the cheap but easy "hot as hell" humor ("How will you spend eternity: Smoking or non-smoking?"), or more recently tried to appear tech-savvy with offerings such as "There are some questions that can't be answered by Google" and "Prayer--Wireless access to God with no roaming fee."

"It's been fun, but it's been done," the seraph said. "It was His decision, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't a welcome change. If I had to hear that 'Recipe for Holy Water--Boil the Hell Out of It' bit one more time, I'd beg demotion to Ishim!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more