A second, terrible tragedy has befallen mediocre sitcom linereader Charlie Sheen: A second Mercedes vehicle escaped from his stately home and, once free, threw itself off of a mountain near his home.
Police who found the body of the Mercedes ran its license plates and found that it was registered to Carlos Esteves - Charlie Sheen's "I'm Mexican, but ashamed" real name- and set off to inform the undeserving multi-millionaire.
"Somebody must've stolen it and driven it off the mountain, " Sheen said, smelling of cigarette smoke and day-old Boilermakers. "
Law enforcement initially thought that the car was stolen - which would have been the second such heist in 4 months- because Charlie is so damned rich and careless that he left the keys in the ignition.
Readers of trashy tabloids will recall that in February Charlie left his keys in another car, which was parked in his driveway in a gated community. Police initially thought that the car was stolen and ditched on Mulholland Drive until the Mercedes' suicide note was found under a floormat.
"I thought I would've been purchased by someone who would've treated me right," wrote the car the night before its death. "Instead, I'm leased by a guy who fills me with empty liquor bottles and 'working girls' on a daily basis. Allegedly."
If the second Mercedes was indeed a suicide victim, Esteves-Sheen will be deported.
