Glenn Beck Comes Clean Saying Teabaggers Can't Handle the Truth

Funny story written by Charpa93

Monday, 26 April 2010

image for Glenn Beck Comes Clean Saying Teabaggers Can't Handle the Truth

Glenn Beck, in what can only be called a rare show of conscience, admitted that most of what he's been telling listeners on his television and radio shows happen to be lies that he has perpetrated in order to continue to rile up the right. But before anyone thinks he is doing this intentionally just to get people mad so they'll tune in and make him rich, he has another explanation.

We caught him off camera in a rare moment in his office a few minutes before he was scheduled to go on the air. "I lie to my listeners because the right can't handle the truth. The truth, to them, is just too darned complicated and goes against so much of what they want to believe that I am certain if they knew the truth, their heads might explode. And I don't say that lightly."

He continued "when my listeners demand the truth, I lie. Why? I don't know. I guess cause it's easier than telling them 'you can't handle the truth.' Who wants to listen to someone who is audacious enough to call them ignorant to their faces? I'm just not that kinda guy. So I lie."

Working himself into the unmistakable fervor he's so famous for, Beck went into a frenzy. "I lie my freakin' head off to save them from the misery they might endure if they have to believe that most things in this country are turning around and that, God forbid they hear this from me, but that President Obama is actually accomplishing more in his couple of years in office than any Republican has in the past 12."

"Disastrous climate change is real, but hey, do you think I'm gonna get those buffoons to believe that the temperatures are rising when we had one of the coldest winters on record? Nope, so I lie. And as far as Sarah Palin goes, she's a fraud out to make as much as she can before the ball drops, and believe me, she is not going to run for President-she thinks it sounds like just way too much work. See? I can hear heads poppin' all over the freakin' place as we speak." Upon which he collapsed to his knees and began sobbing uncontrollably on the floor.

In the next room was heard Rupert Murdoch yelling at someone to "grab a mop and clean that mess up before airtime."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more