Toilet Seat Controversy Erupts at Women's Conference

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Monday, 7 December 2009

image for Toilet Seat Controversy Erupts at Women's Conference
Prototype seat glued down.

Chosen as the number three platform discussion for last week's National Organization for Women conference, legislation is being proposed making it illegal to leave any toilet seat in the upright position.

Sparking division among the N.O.W. constituency, the toilet seat legislation jokingly called "Spray Gate", seems pointless to many women when so many other important issues are on the table. "We should be talking about extended maternity leave, equal pay for equal work, and affordable health care for women, not whether or not men can be trained, which is what this proposal is all about" says Florida participant, Cindy Reasoner. "I'm telling you right fricking now that my husband cannot be trained."

Making headlines at the outset of the conference, men's groups started to picket outside the entrance with signs saying; "Dropping is as Easy as Lifting", "Fear the Spray", and "That's What Kleenex is For". Men's representative Buster Bawlz tells reporters, "If they really want us to aim at a much smaller opening, at night, in the dark, with our eyes closed, they get what they get. A wet seat. Lifting the seat is our way of saying we care."

Militant feminist Kimberly Krochless says, "The bastards just need to learn how to sit and pee." One of the N.O.W. legislation proposals will force toilet menufacturers to permanently glue all seats down on the bowl. "That will teach them", Krochless says.

"Well, I hope she enjoys the wet surprise waiting for her at 3:00 AM", says Bawlz.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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