Many are hailing a new form of birth control that allows a mother to absorb her six-month old baby back into her womb under doctor's supervision.
"It was completely painless", stated Alice Blooberg of Cleveland, Ohio. "I was still all stretched out and the little guy is comfortable. I plan to have him again soon, but neither my husband nor I have had any sleep for the past six months and with another new pill that allows you to get to get eight full hours of sleep in only four, that will come out in January, we'll be able to do this right the second time."
Dr. Putter Bach of the Mayo Clinic told our reporter, "Hold The Mayo! I love that joke, even though the others always throw things at me when I say it, ahem...this is a great breakthrough in medical science. Since there is no real abortion, just a rest period, the many religions can not object to it. It even saves many marriages because of the usual lack of sleep."
"Also you get a second chance at naming the little booger. It's a fine alternative, until that other pill arrives on the scene...even though many call it a 'Throwback', get it? A throwback! DUCK!" "I wish they'd quit throwing things."
Finally Doctor Putter Bach stated that he fully credits President Obama for helping them by his "being called immediately after we perfected it."
"We get to get the pills out in a hurry. He gets another Nobel Prize, this time in Field of Medicine."
"If you'll look out the window there behind you, that's the field of medicine right out there that joins the Clinic property. OW! OK! Who threw the bedpan?"