West Virginia Governor unveils statue of Peter Beter

Written by Frankie The J

Sunday, 9 August 2009

image for West Virginia Governor unveils statue of Peter Beter
Peter Beter watches a UFO hovering above Ghandi's head in a photograph from 1960.

CHARLESTON, WV - Twenty-two years after his death, Peter D. Beter is finally being recognized as one of the Mountain State's best political pundits. Governor Joe Manchin III unveiled a bronze bust of Dr. Peter David Beter whose failed run for governor in 1968 and voluminous wacko conspiracy theories "inspired more West Virginians to play with themselves than any other wanker since Stonewall Jackson."

A former Democrat turned Republican; Dr. Peter David Beter was appointed by President John F. Kennedy as general counsel for the Export-Import Bank of the United States, where he served until 1967.

Beter rocked the Johnson Administration when he claimed that LBJ was directly involved in the assassination of John F. Kennedy. Beter also dissed the Rockefeller family, including Nelson Rockefeller who ran for the Republican Presidential nomination in 1967, and John D. Rockefeller IV, now the junior senator from West Virginia. He claimed the "Rockefeller Cartel" was one of three secret factions controlling world events. The other two factions were alleged to be the "Bolshevik-Zionist axis," and the Kremlin.

Among his wildest conspiracy theories was his claim that David Rockefeller, Henry Kissinger, and Jimmy Carter were long dead, and were being impersonated by some type of "organic robotoids."

He also claimed Patty Hearst was kidnapped by the CIA.

"Peter Beter was a true Renaissance man," claimed Governor Manchin; "He even had his part to play in the Punk Music craze when the 1980's musical group, The Wanderers, fell under his spell."

"Many West Virginians do not remember the name, Peter Beter," said James Earl-Ray Hatfield, a descendent of Devil Anse Hatfield, "but we all know what Peter Beter taught us!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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