Written by Bureau

Thursday, 16 April 2009

image for John Madden Calls It Quits!

John Madden, the burly former Oakland Raiders coach who has been one of pro football's most popular broadcast analysts for three decades, is calling it quits.

"I'm calling it quits", stated Madden Wednesday.

Madden worked for the past three seasons on NBC "Sunday Night Football." His last telecast was the Super Bowl between the Arizona Cardinals and Pittsburgh Steelers.

"I decided to retire after doing that last Super Bowl between the Cardinals and Steelers", Madden stated Wednesday.

"It's time," Madden said. "I'm 73 years old. My 50th wedding anniversary is this fall. I have two great sons and their families and their five grandchildren are at an age now when they know when I'm home and, more importantly, when I'm not."

"Besides all that, I've suddenly got the hots for that Susan Boyle I heard sing the other night on TV, so I better get back home before I lose all control."

Cris Collinsworth will replace Madden, moving over from the network's studio show. Collinsworth filled in when Madden took a game off last October.

"Collinsworth filled in for me when I took a game off last October", Madden stated Wednesday.

Madden said he still loves all aspects of the game and his job, and that's why it took him a couple of months to make the decision.

"But that Susan Boyle thing has pushed me over the top. WHAM!!"

Longtime broadcast partner Al Michaels said Madden will have a unique place in pro football history.

"No one has made the sport more interesting, more relevant and more enjoyable to watch and listen to, because of all the screaming, than John," Michaels said in a statement. "There's never been anyone like him and he's been the gold standard for analysts for almost three decades. Every thing the man says is an original."

"What he just said", Madden stated Wednesday.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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