John Madden's Head Has Ballooned Another 4 Inches

Written by R-Mania

Tuesday, 11 September 2007

image for John Madden's Head Has Ballooned Another 4 Inches

Sources in the NFL have just confirmed that the head of legendary broadcaster John Madden has grown another 4 inches in diameter. Madden was again forced to throw out all of his t-shirts and buy new ones with larger neck holes.

NBC network executives are concerned that, if Madden's head continues to expand, there might no longer be room for partner Al Michaels in the announcing booth. At the same time, they are hopeful that Madden's brain may also expand to fill up the new space, equipping him with the mental capacity necessary to make more insightful comments than "Peyton Manning knows how to throw the football."

This phenomenon has generated interest outside of the sports community as well. Some of the world's leading physicists have calculated that the gravitational field around Madden's massive head may soon be strong enough to attract small, low-mass objects. Feathers, paper scraps, and balls of lint could start orbiting around Madden's head in the very near future.

Sources close to Madden also revealed that he may stop dyeing his eyebrows orange in the hopes of attracting less attention to what many consider a colossal, frightening head.

Madden was available for comment, but did not wish to talk about his enormous head.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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