New Way To Fight Hunger: Eat the Homeless.

Funny story written by Teenage Angst

Friday, 25 June 2004

image for New Way To Fight Hunger: Eat the Homeless.
Bush Comments On New Bill

Presidency Now To Target Homelessness and World Hunger With New Bill.

The Clam Press

WASHINGTON- The U.S. Senate on Thursday approved the biggest and most controversial bill in decades, and is expected to be signed by President Bush.

The bill, which pleases many human rights activists, was introduced by California Republican Dana Rohrbacher in an attempt to put Bush ahead in the polls, sources say.

The bills states that any homeless person, anywhere in the United States, maybe killed and ingested for the purposes of relieving hunger. In cities such as New York and Los Angeles, this will definitely decrease the hobo population and risk of diseases such as tuberculosis and diabetes.

"Passing this (bill) will definitely add on to the greatness of our country," says Rohrbacher. "We don't have to be afraid to go hungry, and we don't have to watch out for those knife-wielding maniacs on the street. Plus, the convenience of being able to pull over and just grab the meatiest one and go home and make it for dinner."

However, they are still opposes of this new legislation.

"Who knows what those hobos got?" asks mother Latifah Jones. "I don't want my boy gettin' all hungry and eating one of those dirty slobs. They might have the flu! Or maybe even that SARS virus or whatever.... I'm willin' to let my son go hungry for a few days then have to bring him to the hospital for some poor mans disease."

But Rohrbacher says this is a minor problem.

"Yeah, they might have tuberculosis, but that's a risk I'm willing to take," claims Rohrbacher, who admits he was an avid hobo-eater before the bill was passed. "This is going to free up millions of dollars in government spending because we won't have to keep open those soup kitchens and homeless shelters. We are truly doing God's work."

President Bush has also said he is happy that the bill is ready to become a law.

"I'm glad to help. I really want to make those PETA people happy," Bush stated at a Press meeting. "I'm glad that their pleas were heard."

The decision will always have an immediate effect on advertisers and media companies. McDonald's Corporation says they will no longer try and cater to homeless tastes and leave their dumpster free in the back for feeding grounds.

Also Burger King and Monica Lewinsky will stop leaving their garbage out for people to paw through.

Clam Press/NKM

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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