Local Boogertown used car dealer, Ronald "Porky" Arnold was really down when he left town for a weekend trip to see his daughter in Leechfield said several of his friends so the Boogertown Banner got on his trail to see what was up with Porky.
I finally caught up with the rotund Ronald sitting at a cafe in Midtown and laughing his head off.
After telling Porky about what his friends were saying, he began his tale.
"Listen, I left Boogertown lower than a Old Lady Sarahdene Fieldhouse's tits because we ain't been selling any cars much lately. This idiot economy, you know?"
"Then my daughter calls and she wants me to help her move out as her and her last bleeping husband, if you want to call him that, have had another fight. That probably means she's gonna want to move in with me. I been alone ever since Sally Bea croaked, you know?"
"So I took off for Leechfield with my big belly rubbing the steering wheel on that old Hummer out there which we'll need to move what little belongings she's got, mostly six kids."
"Then I come in here and I looked over there at that other guy and he's fatter than ME! So I kinda grinned. Then I noticed he was grinning. "
"Well, I kept watching that big lardass and I wound up getting the same food and he didn't seem to care about HIS giant belly. He was wolfing food down as fast as I was.
"So, long story short, I ain't letting this crap get me down. I used to be "Jolly", not "Porky" and if that big stupid grinning Fatass talking to his friend over there can still be grinning and look, downright cheerful...shesh,, they're looking at us. Well, I gotta go get Cindy Belle and them cute litle tykes of hern."
I almost, but couldn't quite do it. No use telling "Porky" that that fat slob at the other table was a mirror. After all, I was the friend.
