Gertrude Spotsinsky, the United States' last known virgin over the age of 13, confided in her best friend that she was "weakening" this past Tuesday.
"It's hard to resist Mark," she explained, with a faraway look in her eye, "He knows the words to every Jonas Brothers song, and has hardly any pimples at all. And he's 15! That's practically an old man!"
Local church groups are holding a rally for Gertrude this Saturday, complete with carnival rides, and a special raffle. Proceeds from the raffle will be used to buy Gertrude a Chastity belt, just in case the temptation becomes too much.
Pastor Jones, of the First Church of the Ever Loving Christ, commented that Gertrude is almost a national treasure, saving her purity until the right man comes along.
