Written by P.M. Wortham

Friday, 24 October 2008

image for Heckler Academy Announces First Graduating Class
The Professional's Heckling Device

The first group of professionally trained and certified hecklers is about to embark on their journey into the political, sports, and entertainment world. Led by professor Buster Bawlz, PhD, the class of 132 men and women are "ready for their first ball busting challenge", as the professor put it.

Magna Cum Louder student, Terry Hipitch, who proudly displayed his certificate for the press says, "I can't wait to get in front of Obama and McCain to stir things up. My goal is to get a good 30 seconds of insults in before their security teams Tazer me."

Anna Bolik, another charged up graduate commented, "I'm headed to the World Series first. I have front row tickets right behind home plate for each game, then it's off to the NHL." When asked for a sample of her intended insult prowess, Bolik displayed a makeshift hockey sign that read:

"Hey ref, you must be pregnant because you missed the first 2 periods!"

For a baseball example, Bolik showed us another sign that read:

"Hey ump, you must be castrated, you missed the last 2 balls!"

Another teacher, Marge Mouthington, provided us examples about the most basic of training methods for all types of heckling. "One of our first classes was an exercise in matching action verbs to nouns properly. I'll give you a couple of examples."

Mouthington cupped her hands to her mouth to create a makeshift megaphone and then yelled: "You chew like a cow, you suck like a hoover, you strategize like Bush!"

The next enrollment for the Heckler Academy is scheduled for January, "All you need is a solid set of lungs and a little determination" Bawlz says. "Oh, and the $5000 tuition for the semester too."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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