The US Department of Fish and Wildlife Service (FWS) announced today that People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) has petitioned to have Humans put on the endangered Species List (ESL).
A PETA spokesman said "people are really animals!"
PETA is concerned that the recent spate of hurricanes in the United States, typhoons in Burma and earthquakes in China require that this listing of Humans' time has come. Additionally, wars, famines, disease, automobile accidents and murders are decimating the human population of six billion people, which may only rise by another one Billion people in a few years. (This is the same logic that got the Polar Bear on the ESL.)
However, there will be one class of Humans exempted from protection, namely elected politicians.
The Sierra Club is expected to sue PETA and FWS, arguing that politicians are already a state and federally protected species. The American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) is expected to sue PETA and FWS for discrimination. The Solicitor General of the United States has indicated the US government will join the lawsuits, but not on whose side. Al Gore cannot be reached for comment.
Nine loud groans were heard emanating from the Supreme Court building in Washington DC. The American Bar Association (ABA) asked law schools to graduate more lawyers.
Putting Humans on the ESL begs the question; what is the penalty if a Polar Bear eats a Human?
