Detroit (Euthanasia Daily)-Having weathered the life-and-death struggles of a controversial "end game" physician and survived a lengthy prison sentence for his questionable medical procedures, it seems only logical that the only place left to go in this wacky world is politics.
That's exactly where Dr. Deadly, aka Jack Kevorkian, has dropped his hypodermic and thrown his hat in the ring for a seat in the Michigan senate. Voters in his district are understandably disturbed, fearing he'll be "snuffed out."
While fellow contenders consider it a dead issue, Dr. Death says he's nowhere near his "last gasp" yet. He sees his first hurdle will be attracting voters. He plans to pass out "VOTE FOR ME OR DIE!" bumper stickers along his funeral parlor stumping route. Supporters, dubbed the "croakers," think this is a "killer" strategy. Shouts of "We who are about to die vote for YOU!" seem to break the deadly silence all around him.
Media pundits have been mortally wounded by what they say is Dr. Death's "fatal" flaw. When questioned about his platform, the response is always, "I'm from the government, and I'm here to help you…DIE!" Right-to-lifers call this a grave error in judgment on Dr. Death's part.
Kevorkian is not fazed by such rhetorical rigor. "Why, before you know it, people will literally be dying to vote for me! At any rate, they'll be dying…" The dastardly doc plans to campaign throughout the country, visiting terminally ill patients, soliciting votes as he administers "sayonara serum" to voters. "The trick," he explains, "is to get the death's door danglers to cast their ballots before the killer cocktails kick in!"
Dr. Death laments the fact that he's already done in so many potential voters. He's checking the Democrat playbook to see how to go about "resurrecting" some of them, should the vote count end in a "dead" heat. Kevorkian lawyers are negotiating newly created "dying wills" designating their final wish to pass on parting votes in favor of "Kevorkian for Michigan state senate."
In the final analysis, there's nothing stopping Dr. Death from living out his Final Fantasy. To those who would vote against him, he's quick to point out, "Who not vote for me? What the heck! You're gonna die anyway, and who cares after that, right?"
