United Sandwich© Producers Alliance (USPA) Files Lawsuit Due To Product Defamation

Funny story written by SpaceElevator

Saturday, 23 February 2008

image for United Sandwich© Producers Alliance (USPA) Files Lawsuit Due To Product Defamation
No thanks, I'll just have the soup®.

US and A - Defense lawyers are calling it a case of political correctness gone awry, but the USPA intends to file a class action lawsuit against anyone who has used the word "sandwich"© in vain during the previous ten years.

According to prosecutors, their client has a case due to the fact that the word "sandwich"© is often used in a negative way and therefore subliminally yet substantially harms the image of the product.

Just a few examples of common phrases that portray the word in a poor light include:

  • If it was up your ass with a ham sandwich© you'd know where it was, now wouldn't you?
  • He has know idea what he's talking about. He's a soup-sandwich©!
  • He's mad, mad, one sandwich© short of a picnic.
  • Jane gave Dick a knuckle sandwich© as he ogled another woman.
  • It's one big shit sandwich© (a.k.a. turd burger) and we're all gonna have to take a bite. [Meaning: A bad situation.]


Note: The list is by no means comprehensive. There may be other instances of improper use within a negative context. But given the breadth of this issue, trillions of dollars will likely be put to work deciding whether or not the toast™ will fall butter-side up or down.

© 1998-2008 USPA. All Rights Reserved.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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