Disciples of Lew Rockwell Demand Acceptance for Their Brand of Love; Protest Beltway Libertarians' Concerns Over Friendly Ron Paul Newsletters

Funny story written by funwithwords

Monday, 4 February 2008

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Lew Rockwell Supporters Protest Intolerant Beltway Libertarians

Washington, D.C. -- Hordes of angry Lew Rockwell disciples took to the streets of Washington, D.C. today in protest over Beltway Libertarians' perceived "intolerance" of several "warm and fuzzy" newsletters that Rockwell assisted in publishing under Congressman Ron Paul's name several years ago.

"This is outrageous!" insisted one supporter peering intensely from the eyehole cutouts of his fashionable pointy white hat-like hood. Airing his grievances further, the masked man yelled into a nearby camera whilst pumping his fist, "We are sick and tired of these so-called Cosmopolitan Libertarians pissing all over our love parade, damn it! And you know what? We ain't gonna take it anymore!" before leading the entire gathering of masked white men and white women protesters in a chant of "White! Power, White! Power, White! Power."

It will be remembered that the latest dust-up over the Ron Paul newsletters began when The New Republic reporter, and closet Beltway Libertarian, James Kirchick, discovered numerous examples of Ron Paul's various newsletters and thus wrote and published the related article, Angry White Man, on January 8 of this year. Online supporters of Lew Rockwell's have vigorously protested this apparent Beltway Libertarian conspiracy to undermine both Ron Paul and Lew Rockwell ever since.

The whole episode was eerily reminiscent of last November's White Nationalist parade in which many of the same individuals turned out in protest over the recent tasing of Lew Rockwell, another Beltway Libertarian conspiracy not forgotten in the least by this particular group of parade participants. "First they fry the man's intestines, and now they're attempting to assassinate the good man's character!" one parade leader blistered through a bullhorn. "Enough is Enough! Down with Hate!"

With background music consisting of Captain and Tenille's, Love Will Bring Us Together accompanying this latest event, one woman with a fluorescent orange swastika tattooed on her forehead explained that, "These libertarian fascists here in D.C. hate Lew Rockwell because he stands for truth! They have no credibility at all because those snarky uppity types stand for hate and intolerance, unlike us." She then added, "Love, tolerance, and dignity -- a healthy respect for our fellow human beings -- that's what we stand for. Lew is a Uniter, not a Divider!"

During the protest, however, several Beltway Libertarians in close proximity to the spectacle looked on in puzzled amusement. Describing the scene as "ass-clowns on parade," one libertarian, ironically echoing sentiments expressed within the newsletters, mused, "I miss the closet. Us libertarians, not to speak of the rest of society, were far better off when social pressure forced them to hide their activities."

Another agreed, "Bring Back the Closet!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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