Today Dennis Kucinich demanded that every state hand count their ballots because as he indicated "Things are sure to get messy and hand jobs to count ballots should straighten some things out. And I want my fellow candidates to ask for hand jobs too."
Kucinich was returning from the island of Chuuk in the Western Pacific and said "We scored another tremendous victory in the primaries in the Federated States of Micronesia and that has provided a unique opportunity to keep our front running momentum in tact."
Kucinich was clearly agitated about the minuscule percentage of voters he had garnered in key states like South Carolina and New Hampshire and had this to say. "You know it's a funny thing to me we score convincing and overwhelming victories in Guam and Chuuk and I got only 5 votes in South Carolina and I am damn sure demanding a full blown hand job there. Hell that can't be right, I have 8 folks who were on my volunteer committee in Columbia, and they all promised they would vote for me."
Kucinich appeared to be a bit dazed and confused and said "you know when you fly from Chuuk in the Pacific to Columbia, South Carolina, you fly backwards through time, and the Mrs. told me you lose 29 hours, and I believe it, God I'm tired."
Kucinich then boarded his plane, waved his right hand goodbye and said "We're off to Yellowknife, Northwest Territories, where I predict yet another victory."
