Kucinich Wins Important Primary Victory in Guam

Funny story written by rkcaughman

Thursday, 17 January 2008

With a campaign infrastructure that has been firmly entrenched in this Pacific Island for well over a year, Kucinich scored what his supporters termed "A hard won victory, with tremendous ramifications for our candidate, and ultimately the nomination to represent the Democratic Party in this fall's election."

Kucinich had installed a staff of twelve people in Guam for over two years, and his candidacy had been heavily supported by the Governor of Guam Felix Perez Camacho and House of Representatives member Madelline Z. Bordallo.

Camacho had this to say to reporters: "Dennis has promised to unite this country more closely to the United States in several ways, most importantly by building a bridge from San Diego to our beautiful island paradise, and this is what we need most."

Representative Bordallo echoed the governor's words by saying: "And Dennis will also work hard to make sure our country is as successful as the legacy he left in Cleveland, Ohio, when he was mayor of that country, even though Cleveland had to declare bankruptcy after he left office."

Guam has a population of 173,000 and the vote totals were as follows: Turnout was estimated to be 4%.

    Dennis Kucinich 6,356 votes
    Hillary Clinton 548 votes
    Barrack Obama 312 votes
    Elvis Presley 1,238 votes (annual write in candidate)

Although there are no delegates that can actually nominate at the party's convention, Kucinich appeared ecstatic at his campaign celebration shortly after ABC news called the contest a victory for Kucinich.

Standing (on a stool) at the podium of the Hyatt Regency in Hagatna (Agana), the capital of Guam, Kucinich said "I am well pleased to secure this most important victory for our campaign, now it's off to the Island of Chuuk in the Federated Islands of Micronesia, I am extremely confident in a big victory there as well."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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