Oral Roberts University president really sux say students

Funny story written by queen mudder

Saturday, 24 November 2007

image for Oral Roberts University president really sux say students
He hasn't taken the news very well

Tulsa, Oklahoma - (Ass Mess & Reuterus): Scholars at the beleaguered Oral Roberts University have voiced approval of their president finally getting booted off the campus after months of complaining about him being a snide little crook.

Richard Roberts was unceremoniously led off campus today according to sources on the school's Board of Regents.

An investigation found that he'd siphoned off vast sums from University accounts.

This financed a lavish lifestyle centered around non-stop crack cocaine binges, exotic foreign holidays, dozens of greedy rent boy lovers, GOP election campaign expenses and donations to Alaska's troubled Corrupt Bastards Club.

The former president's pension has been seixed and will remain frozen until he can account in a court of law his plans for retirement on $3 million a year.

Six ocean-going yachts have also been sequestrated along with a Ferrari Testarossa, two Bentley Corniche Coupes, a Park Avenue apartment in New York, two million shares in a Merrill Lynch hedge fund and enough gold bullion to fulfil the dentistry needs of all of Mexico.

"I am at heart a man of the cloth," Roberts begged today.

"Right. Yeah," were the only audible replies on his former campus stomping ground...

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