SUV-owning Americans tell Edwards "get stuffed"

Funny story written by queen mudder

Wednesday, 29 August 2007

image for SUV-owning Americans tell Edwards "get stuffed"
SUV owners won't be voting for this man. Ever.

Washington DC - (Ass Mess): American voters told Democratic presidential hopeful John Edwards that they'll give up their SUVs the day he gives up his gargantuan White House ego-drive.

"Our emissions or your ambitions, Mr Edwards?" a Florida forum of the International Association of Machinists and Aerospace Workers asked today after a public debate on which personal sacrifice would be of greater benefit to America - nay, humanity! - in 2008.

SUV owners are outraged at Edwards's posturings about carbon emisssions poisoning the climate:

"The real climate poisoners are Hillary Clinton and her dyke cabal lecturing us like we're dumbfool idiots that can't see through her chicanery," one protestor said today.

"Give us better catalytic convertors and better-processed gas and our SUV emissions could drop by another 80%," said another outraged voter.

But Edwards is having none of it in his hubris-driven megalomanical determination to storm the White House, despite relativelty modest political capabilities and an even smaller grasp of how to get the Democrats out of the hellhole of bi-partisan collusion that saw the 2000 destruction of NATO military Intelligence files warning the Clinton/Gore Administration of the exact date, timing and logistics of the eventual 9/11 attack. The one that George Tenet and Sandy Berger conveniently shredded after striking a deal with George W Bush.

"We are the worst polluter on the planet." Edwards once told prospective voters.

But when asked recently on what would be his first changes as President he categorically denied that swapping the official Presidential car for an eco-friendly bio-fuel alternative would be one of them.

However, recent toxicology tests have shown that the Presidential limo emits twenty times more pollutants than the average Hummer, which in turn belches out five times more than a family-type SUV.

Barack Obama is bonkers.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more