Lisa Nowak: "I was bonkers"

Written by queen mudder

Tuesday, 28 August 2007

image for Lisa Nowak: "I was bonkers"
Lisa Nowak: bonkers or just plain crafty?

Orlando, Florida - (Insanity Press): Former NASA pilot Captain Lisa Nowak has pleaded temporary insanity as a defense on attempted kidnapping, battery and burglary with assault charges against fellow-NASA astronut Colleen Shipman.

"My client was stark, raving bonkers, Your Honor," defense attorney Donald Lykkebak said today before claiming that Nowak was suffering space sickness-related symptoms of depression, obsessive-compulsive disorder, insomnia, brief psychotic disorder, delusional syndrome, megalomania, borderline personality, bi-polar bear syndrome and a whole host of other key symptoms typical of stress-related space travel fatigue.

Nowak faces 20 years in jail if found guilty as charged and has undergone a battery of psychiatric assessments after a plea-bargain attempt was dismissed as a ludicrous gamble by a cynical and manipulative defendant.

In June this year Nowak claimed that the Florida police had ruined her reputation by telling press reporters they arrested her while naked "save for a NASA-issue diaper" which she allegedly wore to avoid a pit-stop bathroom break on her manic car journey to kill her love rival Colleen Shipman.

Patrol officers found a steel mallet, 4 inch knife, pepper spray and a BB gun which they allege were all despitined for use on Shipman after Nowak was dumped by mutual love-interest Commander Bill Oelfelein.

The case continues.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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