United States Pro Consul to Iraq Paul Bremmer has once again affirmed that the US should remain committed to handing over power in Iraq by June 30,2004. " I'm outta here," Mr. Bremmer was heard to say, " This place drives me nuts. It's hot, it smells bad and people keep trying to blow me up. If the Iraqi's didn't want us here, why did they ask us to come in in the first place?"
When it was pointed out to Mr. Bremmer that the Iraqi's actually didn't invite the United States into Iraq, but had to be bombed into submission and forcefully occupied, Mr. Bremmer responded, " Well, yeah, of course that might have something to do with it, but you'd think they'd be happy we're here. Saddam Hussein the evil dictator is gone thanks to us."
When it was pointed out that nearly as many Iraqi's have died in the last year as a result of the United States ousting Saddam Hussein as the evil dictator killed in the last ten and that every day brings suicide bombings, protests, random gunfire, robbery and rampant unemployment, Mr. Bremmer acknowledged, "Well, yeah, that may have something to do with it too, but now the Iraqi's are free. That should mean something."
When it was pointed out that Iraq was actually under occupation by troops from the United States, Great Britain, Poland, Italy, Spain, Japan and most importantly Latvia and Tonga and that the Coalition Forces are actually the ones that determine what Iraqi's can or can't do, Mr. Bremmer replied, "Well, yeah, that may also have something to do with it. See what I mean though? These are just an ungrateful people."
Unnamed White House Official Wegman (Pudgy) Waterhouse was quoted as saying, "The Administration is committed to washing our hands of Iraq as soon as humanly possible. Those stupid foreigners are making us look bad and we're dedicated to the ideal that anyone who can cause us trouble in the upcoming election should just go away and die. Actually, we may just appoint John Kerry to take over Paul Bremmer's spot. That would kill two birds with one stone, especially if the Iraqi's can be convinced to kill John Kerry by stoning."
