Written by Rodd Justice

Thursday, 22 January 2004

image for Howard Dean Bigs Himself Up

Democratic Presidential hopeful Howard Dean inflated has himself to thrice the size of a hippo in a desperate attempt to win favour with the voters of New Hampshire.

Dean's campaign team believe his new ‘humungous' image will be a hit with voters in New England who have a long tradition of electing giants, oagers and other miscellaneous superfreaks.

Dean has been struggling in the race for the Democratic nomination after literally spazing out on stage at a campaign rally in Iowa. Local scientist Professor Jiggle Barnett, 73, said "that speech reminded me of the time I accidentally resurrected Adolf Hitler and Jim Carrey into the same body."

However, Dean's big gimmick seems to be winning back the voters.

"He will be able to literally crush many of our domestic problems, including crime, terrorism and racism," said one baffling prole with a voting card. Election experts say that many more voters are actually this stupid, and that's good news for Dean.

In response to this apparently successful tactic, other candidates have tried to keep up. John Kerry tripled the number of wrinkles in his face, and General Wesley Clark has had a sex change exclusively on the left side of his body.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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