During his “closing argument” presidential campaign speech in Latrobe, Pennsylvania, Donald Trump failed to address the pressing issues of immigrants, open borders, healthcare, tariffs, global warming, or migrants eating cats and dogs.
Instead, he inexplicably fixated on a seemingly trivial matter: Arnold Palmer’s Twinkie. His description was not just a passing mention but a seemingly drooling, lip-smacking ode to a piece of anatomy.
When Mr. Palmer stepped out of the shower after a round of golf, all the men in the shower room, including Donald Trump, savored an irresistible look at Mr. Palmer’s Twinkie and must have made comparative studies.
They said, ‘Oh my God. That’s unbelievable.’”
It's as though united in their admiration, they immediately serenade Mr. Palmer with their collective rendition of Hallelujah from Handel’s Messiah.
“He was all man,” Trump trumpeted, with a reflective smile, lapsing into silence, then adding, “All the men agreed.”
How exactly?
Silence from the Pennsylvania audience followed.
Who knew men were so fixated and single-minded about other men’s Twinkies? Is it just golfers, or do football players, tennis, basketball, and men who play cricket also make comparative studies? Is surveying Twinkies a male thing?
Or maybe the comparative study is just a Donald Trump thing.
As Twinkies go, it’s all just plumbing. Amazon Prime probably sells Twinkies in various sizes. However, the size doesn’t matter; it is how, if, when, why, and whether it works. Get it?
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