What Will Jeb Do?

Written by K. Napolitano

Thursday, 1 February 2007

image for What Will Jeb Do?
I'd lose the tie first, Jeb

WWJD? The Republican presidential front runner announced his non-candidacy today by stating that he would not form a committee to study the feasibility of a 2008 presidential run.

His non-participation is based on the expectation that he will be swept into office anyway with write-in votes from evangelical Christian voters surprised to see the Bush name absent from the ballot. While eschewing a presidential run, Jeb Bush did announce his choice for second in command with his assertion that "God is my running mate."

Scholars of Constitutional history suggest that Bush's choice does not technically violate the separation of church and state provision because Bush and God would be elected by a popular vote. Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts concurred with this interpretation.

Declared Democratic presidential candidates Clinton, Obama, Dodd, Biden, Edwards, Gravel, Kucinich, Sharpton, Vilsack, Richardson, Clark, and possibly Gore could not be reached for comment. However, sources say that Democratic strategists are moving forward with their plans to guarantee Bush's win by splintering the Democratic field into an indecipherable mess of individual agendas, powerful egos, and an incomprehensible platform.

Copyright 2007, K. Napolitano

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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