Duke Lacrosse Player accused of Parking Violation.

Funny story written by NickFun

Tuesday, 30 January 2007

image for Duke Lacrosse Player accused of Parking Violation.
Local police look for illegally parked vehicles.

After all rape, sexual assault and kidnapping charges against the three defendants in the Duke Lacrosse case had been dismissed, Durham District Attorney Mike Nifong accused Reade Seligmann of parking in a "residents only" space.

"This is utter hogwash", said Seligmann's attorney Jim Cooney. "It's Residents Only during certain hours and my client was clearly parked there after those hours had ended. Nifong can't find my clients guilty of anything else so he's simply trying to find them guilty of something!"

"That's ridiculous", Nifong replied. "It is my job as prosecutor to make sure justice is done. This man was parked in a resident space and he should be punished."

Seligmann contends he did not pull into the parking space until 8:15PM. That's well after the 8PM cutoff for residents. Nifong argues that witnesses have placed Seligmann at the scene as early as 7:45PM.

"I had to park further down the street", said resident George Wallace. "The problem is, I can't be sure it was Seligmann's car. But my wife is sure and she told me".

Wallace's wife was grocery shopping and could not be reached for comment.

Local police say illegal parking has created distress for many residents who have legal parking stickers.

Cooney says if his client is found guilty he will appeal.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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