George Michael to Replace Arrested Public Health Adviser

Funny story written by Trudi Jensen

Thursday, 25 January 2007


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image for George Michael to Replace Arrested Public Health Adviser
Tilson has some health issues of his own

ATLANTA - Centers for Disease Control and Prevention spokesman Glen Nowak announced today that public health expert Dr. Hugh H. Tilson, recently arrested on suspicion of public indecency at Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport, has been replaced as a top adviser to federal health agencies by former pop musician George Michael.

"I'm very pleased to have been chosen for this position," said Michael, who was one-half of the popular British musical group Wham! before embarking on a successful solo career. "It appears the United States government is well aware of my expertise in the area of pubic health and policy and wished to reward me for that. Oh dear, did I say 'pubic health and policy'? I meant 'public health and policy.'"

Michael said his plans for his new position include giving presentations to schools across the country to spread a message promoting sexual health and hygiene for teens. "My message is much like that of (former Surgeon General) Joycelyn Elders," he said. "I want to tell all the young people, 'Sex is natural, sex is good. Not everybody does it, but everybody should.'" He also plans to advocate against substance abuse.

Nowak said that Dr. Tilson was asked to step down from his position following his arrest after a plainclothes police officer said he saw Dr. Tilson performing "an indecent act" at a urinal while watching other men urinate. "You can understand why the federal government simply couldn't have someone like that giving advice on public health issues," he explained.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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