Washington DC - (Rioters): Looking sozzled and even more exceptionally sinister than usual George Bush Senior told a bewildered US TV audience that he believed President Gerald Ford will go to heaven.
"I believe President Ford will go to heaven", Bush Sr said, despite widespread TV coverage during the last few days of 38th President Ford's famous admission to his celebrity golfing pals that:
"I know I will go to hell, because I pardoned Richard Nixon."
The dilemma provided a little light relief for viewers fed up with being spoon-fed more Republican crap which, despite being slightly less vomit-inducing than Ronnie Raygun's send off in 2005, nevertheless had its full quota of stomach-churning revision.
"The very sight of Chief Justice Burger administering the sedative to our 38th president instantly restored the cover-up of the Oval Office and helped Americans away from the only other sane alternative after Nixon's treason: a fully fledged military coup d'etat with 75% of the Republican Party and 50% of the Democrats in the slammer for life with hard labor".
Henry Kissinger also got is 50c worth of air time:
"Hysterians will debate for a long time over which president contributed most to perverting the course of justice, lying to the American electorate, siding with the Bonesmen and the UK's Hellfire Club in Catholic Church paedophile cover-ups and whitewashing historical documents about Adolf Hitler's descendants.
"Few will dispute that the Cold War could not have been won had not Gerald Ford emerged at a tragic period to do exactly what the Bush Family Evil Empire ordered him to."
Ford will be buried in Grand Rapids later today.
