Significant "Neanderthal" Remains Found By U.S. Tourist In Gibraltar

Funny story written by Auntie Jean

Saturday, 15 November 2014

image for Significant "Neanderthal" Remains Found By U.S. Tourist In Gibraltar
Petrified fossils

"Gorham's Cave," extending 131 feet into the cliffs of Gibraltar, has always been considered a happy hunting ground for researchers interested in the Neanderthal Age. The knife blades and pipe scrapers used in curing hides discovered there were the tools of the Neanderthals. Shells and bones indicate that the cavemen even dined on mussels, fries and Chablis in the cave.

Now the cave is in the headlines again. Clive Bergenstein, a U.S. tourist on the Ocean Liner, Oceanopolis discovered last Wednesday what he thought was a Neanderthal male in a corner of the famous cave while having a quiet smoke. The Neanderthals, who survived longer in Gorham's Cave than anywhere else used the cave on Saturday nights until the recent border disputes made it difficult for them to get back into Spain. It may have been the dying species' "last sanctuary," as Christine Stringfellow, another tourist involved in the discovery, calls it. "A significant step forward in our understanding of these Ape-Men"

The group of tourists has examined about 312 square feet of the cave's floor and discovered microscopic residues from cigarettes. Although many of the bits of charcoal are more than 28,000 years old, the newly discovered traces of Neanderthal life are not as old. In fact, the most recent sample was dated "2 plus/minus 3 years" old. Nicholas Schwimmer of the Institute of Prehistory and Early History in the southern German city of Hamburger also called it "a significant step forward." Unfortunately the remains were found on further examination to be those of a Spanish Border Guard who had been overcome by his own B.O. fumes while masturbating in the cave.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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