The Lord will smite the filthy Finkelsteins for pulling off yet another Yom Kippur stunt

Written by queen mudder

Friday, 3 October 2014

image for The Lord will smite the filthy Finkelsteins for pulling off yet another Yom Kippur stunt
Stuff like trying to blow up their West Bank rental...

New York - Meatpacking District residents Joyce and Herb Finklestein will be atoning and repenting on completely empty stomachs at their local synagogue all day Saturday because it's Yom Kippur 5775.

A well rehearsed display of heartfelt piety - just like previous Yom Kippurs 5774, 5773, 5772, 5770 etc - will see them spend the day on their knees meditating on wrongs they may have done to others in the previous year.

With a view to putting right those dreadful behavior as one might reasonably assume?

Fat chance.

"Each year these bastards make out like they're really sorry for fucking dreadful stuff they've done," Rabbi Heini Moskavich explains.

"Stuff like trying to blow up their West Bank rental when tenants got behind with the rent.

"Stuff like forging ownership papers during the property bubble that bankrupted dozens of neighbors including the Rasputins."

As ever Herb and his wife will be making a generous Day of Atonement donation to their favorite charity - a pie eating competition run by their grossly obese daughter Vivien.

And maybe a few thousand dollars to their attorney's holiday fund in grateful recognition for yet another year successfully avoiding incarceration behind prison bars.

Cousin Joshua's appendectomy can also proceed with full general anaesthetic thanks to the couples' generosity.

Benjamin Netanyahu is 69.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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