Fresno, CA - Investigative reporting by this newspaper has revealed an amazing linkage between insider species preference and corrupt EPA policy making.
Some time ago a decision by Central Valley District Administrator of the EPA, one Sully Smeltzer, established restrictions that diverted water from the San Fernando Valley farmers during the most dire and extended drought period in California in many years. Apparently operating under the authority of the Endangered Species Act (ESA), Smeltzer ruled that water had to be diverted from farmland to ensure the continued existence of a three-inch fish named the Delta Smelt.
After extensive genealogical and biological species research, however, we can now report that there is a family connection between EPA Smeltzer and the Delta Smelt. It turns out that they are in fact cousins. Indeed there is notable species resemblance in that EPA Smeltzer has enlarged, protruding eyeballs, displays a preference for breathing through his mouth (ideally underwater), and, according to Smeltzer's wife: "Sully's a three-incher for sure."
Given this case of indisputable conflict-of-interest, insider species preference, and EPA corruption a Special Prosecutor should be appointed to investigate. Queried about the uncovered facts in this case, Mr. Smeltzer claimed: "There is not an air bubble of corruption here," and then swam away.
