Boston Bomber and Gobshite Widow 'are kissing cousins' according to FBI report

Funny story written by queen mudder

Thursday, 3 October 2013

image for Boston Bomber and Gobshite Widow 'are kissing cousins' according to FBI report
Canoodling in a seedy downtown motel circa 2008

New York - A compassionate grounds request for Boston Bomber Dzhokhar 'The Joker' Tsarnaev to travel to Nairobi, Kenya for a cousins's wedding has been turned down by Federal prosecutors on insanity grounds.

Lawyers acting for Joker Tsaranev played the Human Frights Act card claiming his relatives would never forgive him if he missed Shite Widow Samantha Lewthwaite's upcoming nuptials.

The Brit-born terrist was recently credited with staging a spectacular Nairobi shopping mall heist to bankroll her wedding to someone dubbed by the as the next godforsaken fool.

But it all went spectacularly wrong when her ragbag army of brain-dead mercenaries turned the robbery into an Islamo-fascist massacre following a tip-off that Lewthwaite had legged it with a suitcase full of cash.

Commenting on the Tsaranev refusal FBI officers said they might just turn a blind eye if Tsaranev decides to send Ms Lewthwaite something by post to mark her happy day.

"We'll even FedEx at our own expense it to the blushing young bride's honeymoon suite," their spokesperson chuckled.

A DNA analysis of Tsaranev's genome confirms the 'kissing cousins' theory first posted on YouBoob!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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