Written by Evan Essence

Tuesday, 6 June 2006

image for 666 - AntiChrist Revealed


The prophecy, by Doomsday experts, that the identity of the Antichrist, would be revealed on June 6, 2006, was fulfilled on Tuesday, when it was confirmed that George W. Bush, is the long-awaited Antichrist.

Religious scholars said they were not surprised, because the number of letters in his name…George (six) Walker (six) Bush Jr (six) add up to 666, the number of The Beast.

Furthermore, Bush has been fanning the flames of terrorism around the world, by attacking Muslim holy cities and mosques….This is just the type of thing you would expect an Antichrist to do, experts say. The result of this approach has been…as you would expect…the tripling of global terrorism over the last 2 years.

Also, George Bush has almost single-handedly stood in the way of the international effort to halt Global Warming...something which is expected to wipe out 25% of the world's biological species, and raise the level of the oceans by 21 feet, over the next 20 years.

End-of-the-World scholars say the prophecy that the Antichrist would be an individual who seeks global domination, directly implicated George Bush.

The development of digital surveillance technology made the temptation for global domination inevitable. All phone signals, througout the world, pass through central telephone exchanges in digital form, and therefore digital copies of all phone calls, are easily stored, transferred and analyzed by high-speed computers. As soon as the trend toward higher speed broadband internet connections, has been completely implemented world-wide, the internet communications of every indivdual...which pass, first, through a government owned computer...will be definitely tracable to a specific IP address....identifiable to a specific user.

Central monitoring authorities, at this time, are not particulary interested in the private communication of ordinary citizens, but instead are focusing on collecting embarassing and damaging communications about the personal lives of the leaders, and their families, of every church, civic, or political organization...thus controlling, through threat of blackmail and extortion, the leaders of every organization in every country in the world..

A central organization that controls all of the oil in the world, will effectively control the world. Having conquered the world's second largest oil supply. in Iraq, George Bush now has his eyes on Iran's oil supply. And, using the most advanced military forces of the world's only superpower, he has a list of other oil-rich countries to follow.

By controlling both Houses of Congress, and the presidency, Bush has been able to take control of the Supreme Court, and pass a Patriot Act which makes it illegal for anyone to speak out in favor of the Bill of Rights or the Constitution. This power to dispense with our 200-year tradition of 'checks-and-balances', resulting in permanent control of all branches of government, by one party, and allowing for the unsupervised monitoring of all telecommunications, is being held in place by the implementation of electronic voting machines, with a pre-programmed outcome.

On May 15, Scott Silverman, CEO of Applied Digital, went onto FOX News, and advocated implanting RFID chips into immigrants. It is expected, that after this psychological hurdle has been passed, 298 million more potential terrorists in the US will have chips implanted in them.

End-of-the-World experts point out, that due to the sky-rocketing Federal Deficit, and the weakness of the US Dollar, the collapse of the US housing bubble, is likely to trigger a collapse of the entire US credit-based economy , which would probably result in the collapse of the international banking system, making it impossible for governments world-wide, to respond to impending bird flu, global warming, hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes, fanatical terrorism, and nuclear war with Iran, as it engulfs the world.

To deal with the End of the World, the Republican party has come up with a Rapture Program. Anyone who has contributed $10,000, or more, to the Republican National Committee, will qualify to participate, and will have a reserved seat in a space capsule, and will be shot into space, moments before the entire earth is engulfed in thermonuclear war.

Editors note: Evan Essence recieved his Masters Degree in Journalism (2003), and his PhD in Political Science (2004) from House-of-Spam Internet Marketing

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: experts

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