Titanic II Sails for New York

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Saturday, 19 May 2012

image for Titanic II Sails for New York
Titanic II Prior to Sailing

Southampton UK: RMS Titanic II sailed for New York City (NYC) today on her maiden voyage following the same course her namesake traversed 104 years ago. The passenger list consisted of international politicians, potentates, Hollywood stars, TV personalities and the rich and famous from around the world.

Following the 100th anniversary of the original Titanic disaster of April 15, 1912 a conglomerate of cruise lines set out to build an opulent 21st century luxury cruise ship. RMS Titanic II has all the grandeur and pomp of her predecessor. The 80,000 ton ship was constructed using cutting edge computer aided design and construction techniques. She is truly unsinkable.

The new ship is equipped with modern electronic sensors, communications equipment, navigation equipment, high speed environmentally friendly engines, collision avoidance capabilities and safety features gleaned from the 2012 Italian Concordia sinking.

RMS Titanic II arrived at the same spot in the North Atlantic Ocean on April 14, 2016 where the original maritime disaster occurred. The decks were crowded with onlookers observing a moment of silence, when the lookouts and electronic sensors detected an iceberg.

On the ship's bridge Captain Edward Smith III ordered the helmsman to press the red button on the computer controlled steering panel. Two gigantic laser cannons deployed and continuously fired from the ship's bow, turning the iceberg into ice cubes. The ships stewards used the ice cubes to chill bottles of fine old French champagne to toast the occasion.

RMS Titanic II arrived in NYC on April 16, 2016 to a greeting of multiple fireboats spraying water into the air and welcoming speeches by the mayor, other city officials and the ship's owners. The US president had to cancel his speech due to urgent business that kept him in Washington DC.

The ship owners were so delighted by the relatively calm Atlantic Ocean crossing and welcoming ceremonies that they invited all the passengers to stay on board for a complementary trip to Bermuda and back. Most of the passengers agreed, as there is nothing like Bermuda in April. The ship would be met by both UK and Bermuda officials on its arrival, with their own welcoming ceremonies.

RMS Titanic II left its NYC berth after taking on provisions and headed for Bermuda. Somehow the ship wandered into the Bermuda Triangle and disappeared, reappearing at the port of Hamilton Bermuda on April 16, 2026. Thus, once again proving that it is not for humans to fool around with Mother Nature!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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